Random thoughts from the bike

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I nearly scream inside my head as another steel box drives alongside me with their face glued to their phone. It’s amazing the amount of screen time some people may be up to, the addiction that grips hold of them and they don’t even know it. Or maybe they do? When I was deep in my drinking I knew, I knew that the addiction had a hold of me.

Every time I sit down to write it starts coming out in the form of addiction. The ‘woe is me’ lifestyle that I was so accustomed to living. Oh for sad, my wife left me, my tragic story, my alcohol induced blackout that lasted a decade, my self fulfilling prophecy, my never ending quest to simply feel as if I am loved and appreciated. I’m in therapy now, and they say that is supposed to make it all better. I am not buying it yet, but I’m still going. Each week meeting with someone who tells me things that I already seem to know, but haven’t yet realized.

There will be no edit in my posts moving forward, there will be no backspace, there may even be an grammatical error from time to time. I’m no writing to anyone, my audience is the voice inside my head that I haven’t been able to settle down. The voice that likes to remind me that this is all just a brief moment of happiness before the darkness takes over again.

This is the last day of spring break, the last day of my brief intermission during school, then it’s back to the studies, back to the worry, back to the long days trying to learn skills that I never thought I’d be able to. I suppose I just wanted an excuse to get on my bike and ride to this place with vegan donuts and have an afternoon cup of coffee. It did make me feel better to sit down and let go of some thoughts though.